Taking Off the Gift Wrap

"Nothing is ever easy for us. Everyone else always seems to be on top of everything, but not us." Not in those exact words, but that's generally what an acquaintance shared with me last week.

Then I shared some of my family's recent struggles.

She said, "Really? Your family always looks like they have it altogether and things are always going great."

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Huh. Is that actually the impression we give? Maybe it's time to untie the bow and take the pretty paper off the package. Maybe it's more important than I realized to let people in and allow them to see the messier parts of our lives.

I know my pride is part of the problem. Who wants to admit their mistakes, inadequacies, foolishness, and sins? A portion of my heart is afraid people won't like me if they know how screwed up I am sometimes. I thought I'd grown up enough not to worry about what people think of me, but I suppose I haven't.

It isn't all pride, though. I am a complainer, which is something I don't like about me. Talking about my problems and struggles feels too much like complaining, exactly the thing I don't want to do. But neither do I want to give the appearance that I live a smooth and perfect life.

What's a woman to do?

As I write this and wonder how to find the balance between being real and not indulging in a complainathon, an answer comes to mind. The same answer at which I always arrive while trying to figure out this thing called Life.

Prayer.

Prayer that I can learn how to show the people my life touches that I swim through the same muck everyone else swims through, but not complain about it.

How do you find the balance between sharing your troubles, but not complaining about them? I'd really like to know. You might be the answer to my prayer.

Midsummer Wednesday Hodgepodge

It is still July and I am savoring every single moment of summer. How about you? Join in the Wednesday Hodgepodge hosted by Joyce From This Side of the Pond.

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1. Share one way you think the world has changed for the better since you were a kid?
Current technology is amazing. We can do some things so easily now - research being one example.

2. How 'bout one way it's changed for the worse?
Current technology can suck hours from your day if you're not careful.

3. Starlight, starfish, starling, Starbucks...your favorite 'star'?
Star gazing.

4. Name a song that's overplayed, but you love it anyway.
I don't listen to popular music, so I don't know what is played too much. Generally, if I've heard of a popular song, then it must be Very popular (and probably overplayed).

5. When did you last have home made ice cream? Your latest favorite flavor?
I last had homemade ice cream when my good buddy e. brought some vanilla with juicy peaches to my house about two weeks ago. I don't have a favorite flavor. I am an equal opportunity ice cream lover.

6. What do you think is the best way to inspire or motivate people?
I think we can best inspire and motivate by encouragement, support and affirmation.

7. When was the last time you were without power?
Probably sometime last year. Our electrical co-op has underground lines, so we don't lose power too often, and then it is usually because something went wrong with a transformer.

8. Insert your own random thought here.
We had an unexpectedly busy July and were invited to lots of social events. Many of them included tons of people I didn't know - which is always difficult for me - but we had a good time at all of them. I felt blessed that so many people wanted to spend time with us.

How to Make it to the Big 50

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My husband and I attended a 50th anniversary party Saturday. Surrounded by their four children, many grandchildren, extended family, and friends, they celebrated a life that probably was not what they envisioned on the day they married.

This couple met at a carnival in Cuba, where they were born. My friend Gloria and her sister snuck out of their house to visit the carnival. She met up with a boy she liked, and when he got a little fresh, decided she didn't like him after all, but that hardly mattered because that was the night she met her future husband.

This teen-aged couple married six months later, so they're only in their 60s with many years ahead of them. The only thing is, I'm not sure they even like each other, but like and love can look different in other people's marriages. All I know is that not one golden anniversary kiss was exchanged, and while I often visit Gloria, I don't see much affection exchanged.

What does it take to arrive at a 50th anniversary and still love your spouse? We still have 23 years to go before reaching that milestone, but on reflection, I think these pieces need to be part of that puzzle picture:

• forgiveness
• persistence
• commitment
• selflessness
• deafness
• blindness
• determination
• realism
• patience
• friendship
• acceptance
• sense of humor
• teamwork
• sacrifice
• respect
• love.

What do you think should be on this list?

Just the Before

It wasn't his main point, only a brief comment before beginning his sermon.

Yesterday, the Pastor said, "The Devil only shows you the before, not the after." His example was seeing a commercial or advertisement of a couple enjoying a drink and how appealing it looks. That's the before. The after is many years down the road and a person hospitalized and dying of cirrhosis of the liver.

Whether someone drinks or not isn't the point and I hope no one gets caught up in the alcohol versus not-alcohol debate. The point is how appealing the Devil can make sin appear. And we only see the fun parts, the enjoyable parts, the exciting parts of a sinful choice. We don't see the repercussions, the hurt, the danger, the sorrow those innocent-seeming sinful choices can lead to.

Some of my family members are deeply hurt and wounded by sinful choices a friend has made. Although this person may think his choices are only affecting him, they're not. They are impacting his family, his friends, his friends' families (as we try to help our kids deal with their hurt and anger), and who knows who else?

Somewhere down the road (we hope), he will realize the destructiveness of his behavior and make a U-turn. However, damage has already been done and some things won't be able to be altered or repaired.

The scripture that runs over and over in my head is:

By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.  He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward (Hebrews 11:24-26).

Image: manostphoto/freedigitalphotos.net

TeXaS

I realized last week that some of my favorite people, and bestest friends I've ever had, live in Texas. My favorite former president lives there too.

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What is it about Texas that attracts nice people? I have flown into Texas for connecting flights to other places and I've driven across that square, top part of Texas (lots of cows) and it took allll day to do it, but I've never actually stayed there.

I know that native and adopted Texans are loyal people. I mean really, where do all those Dallas Cowboy fans come from? It is a wide open country - except for the large metropolitan areas - filled with opportunity and room to spread out. Perhaps that is part of the attraction. Most of my friends moved there because of employment opportunities, always a good reason to make a move.

California, Virginia, and New York are all places I've called home, and each is special in its own way, but I have had the itch to move for a while. A desire to live in a brand new place, meet different people, experience a new way of life, and have a grand adventure. Maybe Texas is calling my name. Or the U.K., I'm quite sure it is calling my name as well.

Could there possibly be two such totally different places? Shows I appreciate variety I suppose.  How about you, are you happily ensconced where you are or do you have a yen to live somewhere new?

Warrior Woman

Welcome to the Five Minute Friday link up. Today's word prompt is brave.

Every woman is a warrior, we fight for the souls we love with every prayer we can muster. But, even a warrior loses their courage at times, the brave warrior feels defeated and hopeless.

These are the moments when we look for reinforcements and muster other brave warriors to pray with us, to come before the throne of the Almighty, the eternal and mighty general who is never defeated. The One who makes us brave, and strong, and restores hope as we continue in the battle.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.




Image: jenniferellison/freedigitalphotos.net

eXhale!

There are great reasons to exhale with relief today.

• It is Saturday.
• A difficult job I've been working on for months is, finally, near its end and I don't have to work this weekend.
• The A-Z Challenge, while fun and stimulating, is Whew! almost over.
• I am spending the weekend at the beach.

What could be more enjoyable than a weekend at the beach with people you enjoy?

How about you? Do you have any reasons to eXhale this weekend?

Note: I know exhale doesn't begin with an X, and it is X day in the Blogging A-Z Challenge, but the beginning e is silent, so we're just going to go with that.

Friendship, Part Two

While writing about friendship earlier this week, I realized there was so much more to say. I'll probably revisit the subject at least a couple more times in the coming months. One of the thoughts I mulled over while writing that post was how the English language is grossly inadequate sometimes.

I wish English had more words for friend. We seem confined to either the word acquaintance or the word friend to describe people we know. It would be handy to have some other words for the people who are more that acquaintances, but less than kindred spirits, which is where most of my friendships  lie.

What should we call those people we've known for many years and are cordial with, but don't know well? How about those we're developing a relationship with, but haven't reached a level of intimacy with yet? Then there are the people we know from work, church, clubs or groups - we might enjoy their company and know them rather well, but are not intimate friends with them. What should we call these different types of people?

We need more "friend" words that include subtle variations and nuances.

I thought perhaps other languages could provide a solution, but after attempting several searches and modifying my search several times, I could not come up with an answer to which language had the most words for friend.  However, during my search I tried the question, "How many ways are there to say friend in Swedish?" The first search result that appeared was, "20 ways to annoy a Swede". Not exactly what I was looking for.

Do you think we could use more words to describe different levels of friendship or would this just blow up in our faces and our "friends" would hate us because we ranked them at Friendship Level Five when they ranked us at Friendship Level Three?

Image: digitalart/freedigitalphotos.net

We're Your Friends 'Til the Bitter End . . .

. . . the bitter eeeeeeeeeend.

That's a lyric from a song in one of my favorite Disney flicks, Jungle Book. Do you remember it? Mowgli, feeling rather down in the dumps, sings this song with two vultures. (Ooh, now that's an odd thought. Were the folks at Disney studios implying that those who we think are our friends are actually vultures? Waiting for us to die so they can pick our bones?  Enough of those dark thoughts.)

I think it's fascinating to see how other people view friendship and what the term means to them. I've known people who, after meeting me just a few times, introduce me to others as a friend. On the other end of the spectrum, there are people I've known for 10 years and have spent a lot of time with who don't really know me at all, who also call me friend.

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A friend, to me, is someone who makes time to spend time with me, whether having fun talking about nothing in particular or enjoying deep, real, meaningful conversation about what is important to us. Someone with whom I can be honest and share the parts of me that aren't very beautiful, and they still love me. Someone with whom I can talk about the concerns of my heart and not feel dismissed. Someone who accepts the choices and decisions I make, and doesn't reject me because they don't agree. Someone who makes me think and challenges me to defend what I think and believe.

If we're really fortunate, we come across this type of friend a few times in our lifetime.

My definition of real friendship is a narrow one, but I think I'd rather have one very close friend than a dozen casual friends. I guess it's tied to the type of person I am. An introvert like me finds being with large numbers of people engaged in superficial small talk pretty exhausting.  Conversely, I can spend hours talking in a meaningful way with one or two people and feel energized and stimulated.

I appreciate the different relationships in my life. Because of them, I grow and learn and become a better person. But I am particularly thankful when there is someone in my life who I can call a kindred spirit.

They Like Me, They Really Like Me

When did we develop such as obsessive need to be liked?

We seek to "friend" people on Facebook (and be friended) not only to connect with our current circle of friends and reconnect with friends from our past, but seemingly to prove our popularity by how many "friends" we have.  Who isn't delighted when dozens of friends "like" an item we've posted?  It is affirming.  We feel listened to.  We feel as if we've made a connection.  We feel liked.

But, how many of our "friends" are genuinely friends who truly like us?

This reminds me of Pinterest, a sort of Facebook in an idea-sharing, virtual scrap-booky kind of way.  Don't we all want lots of fellow-Pinteresters to like what we like and re-pin our pins?  Don't we secretly wish for an extensive list of followers oohing and aahing over our boards, admiring our taste and virtual creativity?

Twitter, Instagram, blogs, who know what else taps a secret place inside of us that craves affirmation?  Whether we receive it from friends or strangers, does it matter?  They like us, they really like us!

Few, if any people, go out of their way to try and persuade people not to like them. And, really, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be liked.  But should it matter so much?  Will our birthday be ruined if 45 people don't post birthday greetings on our Facebook wall?

Will we still view ourselves as worthwhile people even if no one follows our Pinterest boards?

A strong sense of self, liking who we are and being comfortable and happy in our skin, is of more worth than having 700 Facebook friends.  And a deep connection with two or three people is much more fulfilling than 60 "likes" on our newest pin or post.  Quantity is not quality.  So let's all try to put the brakes on our obsession with being "liked".  Instead, let's work on forging strong bonds with a few authentic friends who we can touch skin-to-skin and see if we can stop craving so many virtual (((((((((hugs))))))))).

Transitional Woman's Excellent Adventure

The plane flew low over the flatlands neatly marked into individual fields where crops had grown this summer.  I was feeling a little nervous, but not due to flying (which I love) but because I was going to spend five days with a group of women I'd never met.

I was venturing into the unimaginable.  I was going on an internet meet up.  My sons thought it was a little crazy and when I asked why, they responded, "What would you say if we told you that we were going to meet up with strangers we met on the internet?"

Point taken.

This past spring I wrote about virtual friendships, wondering if they were as real as flesh and blood friendships.  I was about to find out.

Drawn together by our common faith in Christ and love of fiber arts, we met in the middle of the country to laugh, pray, play with our yarn, eat, eat some more, and finally put a face to the name, a voice to the words we see on screen and  find out if these women are really like the women we've learned to know from online chatting.

I could bore you with all sorts of anecdotes about Brenda or Peggy or Joanne how they were like or unlike what I imagined, but the real point is virtual friends can be real friends.

Meeting them face to face only cemented the friendships formed online.  We already know so much about each others lives that we weren't strangers, just friends who hadn't met yet.

We were a mixed bag of women though, from 20s to 50s (our group has women from their teens to 70s, but. sadly, many couldn't come) from all over the country (our European sisters couldn't make it either), with lifetimes of vastly different experiences.

But did we have fun?  I do not have the words.  Did we laugh?  Harder then ever in our lives.  Did our bonds grow stronger and tighter?  More than I could have imagined.

So my excellent adventure was all I could have hoped for and more and I was sorrier than I can say when it was time to head for home.  However, there's always next year and I plan to be the first to sign up.

On a Little Adventure

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You would normally see a Five Minute Friday post today, but I am currently on an adventure, not home and staying away from the computer.

I can't wait to share more about Transitional-Woman's Excellent Adventure next week.  All I can say is, I would never have imagined I would ever do something like this.

Are you curious?

Lessons Learned - Summer 2012

Aren't June, July and August the fastest three months of the year?  We've arrived at the end of August after a relatively quiet summer and I feel rather introspective.

How did I spend those golden summer days?  Did I accomplish anything? Have I learned anything?

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Last summer I taught myself Fair Isle knitting and knit my first (and, sadly, so far only) pair of pint-sized practice socks. So I'm feeling a lack of tangible accomplishments this summer.  Not everything can be measured visibly; however, so I decided to review what I learned this summer.  This is in lieu of a "What I did on my summer vacation" composition next month.

• The Lord provides.  Due to some smart home refinancing early this year by my husband, we have the funds to do critically-needed home repairs.  Just when we needed it, interest rates dropped and we benefited.  Is that God or what?

• Friends are a blessing.  Yes, I know, it's obvious, but this summer I cherished more than ever time spent with friends, old and new. Finally, I'm learning friendship needs to be nurtured, not taken for granted and requires a time investment.  Thanks, gals, for the great breakfasts, coffees, lunches, dinners, phone chats, not to mention baseball games, you've shared with me this summer (uh oh, too many food related outings).  I've felt a little vulnerable the past few months with so many changes in my life, and you all reminded me that friendships are the patches that hold a life together.

• The Lord provides. (Is the old gal repeating herself?  No, He just provides a lot).  You might know I've been trying to figure out what comes next now that homeschooled tuba guy is a college freshman.  And holy, smokin' Joe, did God provide in a big way.  More about this transition soon!

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• The body of Christ is amazing.  We left our church of ten years at the end of June and were dreading "the church search."  There was a huge surprise waiting for us that we never dreamed would exist.  As we've traveled church by church throughout our community we have been blessed, I tell you, blessed.  We have been spiritually bolstered and encouraged by Godly preaching, been energized by preachers excited by their calling and steeped in the Word of God, enjoyed coming before the Lord with so many other believers in our ethnically diverse area, learned some new worship songs, been hugged by the warmth of beloved hymns, and so much more.

There's more to share, but this post keeps growing and I know y'all are busy and have lots of other blogs to read and I have to try and capture some hours from this day before they evaporate.  It's good to be back at the keyboard and while August is almost over it's still summer because the thermometer is creeping up to 90 degrees today.

Flight of Blue

I really, really don't like trilogies, whether they be books or movies.  The wait, the anticipation for the next installment kills me (I confess to sometimes reading the end of a book after the first few chapters), which is why I prefer to discover them after they're complete.

But, I've done it again.  I've read the first book of a trilogy while the second is still being written and I'm going to have to wait.  New author A.E. Howard has just published Flight of Blue (to be released July 24)  the first installment from the Keeper of the Keys Chronicles.

I "met" Anna during the A to Z Blog Challenge in April.  She had an excerpt from Flight of Blue on one of her blogs, I read it and was pulled in.  I enjoyed it so much, I asked her if I could review it here.


I've had my Kindle edition copy a couple of weeks, it only took me this long to read it because as usual I've been chasing my tail and running behind (apologies for the mixed metaphor).  My slowness in completion is no reflection on Flight of Blue. 


The title of Chapter 1 is The Last Normal Friday.  Now you know after reading that, you're in for some action and adventure and that is exactly what happens.  Our protagonist is a regular 12-year-old boy living a somewhat regular life, except that his family moves around a lot and you'll find out why.  Only Kai's not so regular and neither are his parents.


Kai is abruptly thrown into circumstances he could never have imagined. He has to transition from being a kid who is moving through life in the usual middle school way into a young man who has to lead a band of friends, accept new responsibilities and make snap decisions not only to survive himself but to save his friends.


Flight of Blue is a book about the value of friendship - with friends old and new, choosing whether or not to accept a strange and uncertain future, facing frightening and confusing situations which defy understanding and trusting strangers to teach and guide you.


I don't know what the genre is, middle grade fantasy maybe?  But I found it great adult reading in the tradition of Madeleine L'Engle and her A Wrinkle in Time series and Austin Family Chronicles.

Want a little sneak peak?


But what I need to know is, Anna, what comes next?!?!?   And how long do I have to wait?


Be sure to stop by on July 27 when A.E. Howard visits Transitional-Woman as one of the stops on her blog tour.

Flight of Blue by A.E. Howard
Elder Tree Books, 2012
Fantasy, Kindle edition

The author proved a Kindle edition at no charge for my review.  All views and opinions expressed are my own.

Life skills, According to Mama

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One portion of my brain is always focused on my youngest son's  transition  to college in August.  A reoccurring, panicky thought I have is, has he acquired all the basic life skills he needs?  Can he survive without me telling him what to do?

When my kids were young I kept telling them, "You better learn this.  I'm not going to college with you, you know." (One of my sons told me recently that he was always confused by that because he didn't even know what college was.  As you can see, I was planning their academic careers well in advance.)   So even though I was aware my four chicks would leave the nest someday,  I started to worry that I forgot to teach my son something important.

I thought I'd better sit down and make a list of skills I think are essential for college survival and beyond.  Then make sure he has mastered them.

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1. Laundry (how to do it)
2. Laundry (actually doing it)
3. Nutritious meals (these are not comprised of pizza and tacos)
4. Keep track of spending and reconcile a bank statement (more must come in than goes out)
5. Sleep (five hours a night are not enough)
6. Pass a class  (includes more than just studying for the final)
7. Communication (call your mother occasionally)
8. Friends (Proverbs 2:12-15, Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways.)
9. Cleaning (find roommates who are neater than you)
10. Balance (make a realistic schedule including classes, studying, work, activities and other commitments)
11. Exercise (oh right, you'll be in the marching band playing a tuba, that probably covers it)
12. Faith (find a good church and plug in, pray, read your Bible)

Somehow, this is all I can think of and I'm afraid I've left off some important skills.  But, he'll learn and figure things out on his own and he can always call Mama.

Learning Communities

I have explored the concept of community before, but I can’t seem to get if off of my mind because examples of what community is, how it works and what it means to various people keep popping up everywhere.

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As my youngest son plows his way through reams of virtual paperwork while working through the college admission process, community rises up again.  His university requires students to become part of a Learning Community.  The school is trying to match up freshmen with similar academic interests, enable them to live near each other and meld them into support groups.

It makes a lot of sense.  Some students don’t know how to handle the sudden freedom from parental oversight, but others can.  Some have no clue how to manage their time or money without mom and dad masterminding the schedule and finances, but others are very adept at it.  Some are very introverted and don’t know how to reach out to strangers and make friends, but others make a new friend every day.  The students are there to help and support each other.  I don't imagine the students in the communities will all become instant and intimate friends, but this university is trying to make sure no one feels isolated and alone.

I don’t know when they initiated Learning Communities, but it sounds like a wise decision particularly in light of the shooting at Virginia Tech in 2007 and other college shootings that have taken place since then.

If no student is allowed to be an island, if they are required to meet with their communities regularly, perhaps troubled young people can be discovered and helped before another tragedy occurs.

So, here’s another example of community.  I suspect I will continue to explore the subject as I continue to look for new communities of my own since my place in the mommy and homeschooling communities is ending. 

And if he lets me, I’ll also share some of my son’s new experiences of community as he transitions into a college student. 

Virtual Friends

I've mentioned before that I'm a little bit late to the dance, the technology dance.  I didn't get a Facebook page until January, I didn't own an e-reader until Christmas and I didn't discover the wonder of online groups and forums until last spring.

It's not that I dislike new technological ideas, but it's that I didn't have time to explore them.  I still don't have time, but I changed some priorities.  (I still can't get my blog to do some things I want it to do and my Transitional-Woman Facebook page needs a lot of help.  However, these are tales for another time.)

Today's focus is the world of virtual friends.  We were all suspicious of online forums in the early days, thinking they were full of stalkers and weirdos.  But as I was obliviously rushing through life these somehow became legitimate places on the web.

Last year, when we finally got WiFi, I started exploring this land with a vengeance and soon became part of many, many groups connecting me to nice strangers who shared the same interests I have.

It didn't take me long to realize that I could not keep up with all of these groups and still stay connected with the flesh and blood world.  So I whittled down my list to a few groups and have found myself amazed that I am friends with strangers.

We share our love for our hobbies, we know each others kids names, we share spiritual lessons learned, we know each others birthdays and we sometimes confess our foibles and sins.  Just like Real Friends.

My family was amused by my growing circle of virtual friends.  As I shared this and that about their lives, my kids got this little, "Oh isn't Mama cute," look on their faces and my husband smiled at me indulgently as he often does.  But I've come to realize these women are no different than the penpals that people used to have in bygone days.

My virtual friends are slowly becoming real friends.  We share our concerns and pray for each other.  We keep up with the events in each others lives and grow concerned when we don't hear from each other for a while.  If that's not real friendship, what is?

What do you think about virtual friends.  Are they as real as real friends?

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Blogging A to Z Challenge, the letter V

intentional.me

Community

Last summer I was waiting in the car to drive my husband home after he left our other car at the repair shop.  I happened to be parked outside a tobacco store, the kind of little specialty shop that sells cigars and pipe tobacco.  

As I idly watched men go in and out of the shop, different ages, different races, greeting each other with back slaps and handshakes, I was struck with how these men, sharing a common interest, had formed their own community.

Since that day, months ago, I have been obsessed with the idea of community.  I realized how much we all seek community.  We seek to belong somewhere.

I started musing about different types of communities.  Gang members form their own communities.  Not based on values or standards that most of us agree with, but they are looking for a place where they can be accepted.

Churches, civic groups, interest groups like hiking clubs and knitting groups, motor cycle clubs, sports teams, volunteer organizations and families, are all different types of communities.

There is even the 21st century world of online communities.  Groups of people who will  probably never be in the same room at the same time, but join together from around the globe to discuss the thing that draws them to each other.


Why is community so important to us?  Belonging.  It is essential to our souls to belong.  We crave love and acceptance.  We want to be wanted.


I keep coming across the concept of community.  Almost every day I hear or read about someone else talking about community.  Somehow I know I'm not finished contemplating community, what it means to me and what it means to others.  
As my last year homeschooling speeds toward its conclusion, there is a new transition in my life. I find myself looking for a new community.  For 17 years I've been deeply woven into the fabric of the homeschool community and I identity so closely with homeschoolers that I am feeling community-less.
What will be my new community or communities? 
I don't know where it will all lead but the Lord has planted the idea of community into my brain and it just doesn't want to leave.  So I know there's more for me to learn.