A Love Letter

Dear Kids (because you'll always be my kids),

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How am I doing? Have you noticed I've been trying to leave you alone?

I've been very careful not to phone, or email, or text too much. I try not to pry. Or second-guess your decisions.

When you are home and go out in the evening, I do my best to only say good-bye and not ask where you're going.

All in all, I think I'm doing a decent job of letting go and letting you become an adult not tied to the old apron strings. Not that I claim I'm always doing this right, but I think I'm improving and I want you to know I'm trying not to be that annoying mother who insists on clinging to her babies.

But. . .

Don't you think you could call once in a while? Or, perhaps send a quick email. Or even just a text saying, "Hi." Is that really too much to ask? It doesn't even have to be once a week. Maybe once every other week.

I know you're busy, but so am I. And I'll never be too busy to talk to you.

So 

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Love,
Mama

How to Make it to the Big 50

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My husband and I attended a 50th anniversary party Saturday. Surrounded by their four children, many grandchildren, extended family, and friends, they celebrated a life that probably was not what they envisioned on the day they married.

This couple met at a carnival in Cuba, where they were born. My friend Gloria and her sister snuck out of their house to visit the carnival. She met up with a boy she liked, and when he got a little fresh, decided she didn't like him after all, but that hardly mattered because that was the night she met her future husband.

This teen-aged couple married six months later, so they're only in their 60s with many years ahead of them. The only thing is, I'm not sure they even like each other, but like and love can look different in other people's marriages. All I know is that not one golden anniversary kiss was exchanged, and while I often visit Gloria, I don't see much affection exchanged.

What does it take to arrive at a 50th anniversary and still love your spouse? We still have 23 years to go before reaching that milestone, but on reflection, I think these pieces need to be part of that puzzle picture:

• forgiveness
• persistence
• commitment
• selflessness
• deafness
• blindness
• determination
• realism
• patience
• friendship
• acceptance
• sense of humor
• teamwork
• sacrifice
• respect
• love.

What do you think should be on this list?

Change is Good, Right?

I have been dreading this week for months. It is the week my newlywed daughter and her husband move

to Peru. For five years. And I don't mean Peru, Nebraska.

This most excellent couple is pursuing Scott's dream of several years, helping Peruvians grow and develop businesses. Want to know how they'll be doing it? Visit here.

It's difficult, being excited and sad all at once. Excited because of the wonderful work they hope to do and because of all the ways God may be glorified through their efforts. Sad because I am going to miss my girl.

We go on weekend adventures together, spur each other on to achieve whatever our hopes may be, and share what God is showing us and how He is working in our lives. So often, He is leading us on parallel paths, teaching us the same lessons.

They have been packing up their lives. Choosing which few items travel to South America, what lives in Mama and Daddy's attic, and what finds a new home. My girl and I have discussed minimalism many times; she will finally be practicing it.

And so, My girl experiences her next transition, leaving a comfortable and familiar life to pursue a completely new life, learn a new language, do a new work, and live in a vastly different culture.

I'm excited, really, I am. But I can't help crying too.

Marriage is a Melding

The ritual of marriage is not simply a social event; it is a crossing of threads in the fabric of fate. Many strands bring the couple and their families together and spin their lives into a fabric that is woven on their children.

Portuguese-Jewish wedding ceremony

Our daughter was married last month and here is a photo of those from our side of the family who were able to attend. Many were missing, but we were happy to see those who came.

However, with the simple words, "I do," our family grew.

Our daughter has married into a wonderful family, whom we now view as our family too. A marriage is not only the melding of two individuals into one, but the joining of two families. We now share a son and a daughter and perhaps, someday, another generation.

We are a blessed family, enriched through the adding of new members. Within our hearts is enough love to spread far and wide, and we are hoping, by God's grace, to embrace future daughters-in-law and their families too.

Wedding Bells

My daughter will be married this weekend and begin one of the biggest transitions of her life.  We plan to love this new son as much as we love our own three sons.

And while I optimistically thought I would have time to post this week, well, I was helping fold wedding programs at 9 p.m. last night and today am cleaning the house top to bottom in anticipation of my mother-in-law's 10-day visit.

I hope to get back on track next week reading my favorite blogger's adventures and writing a couple posts of my own, maybe I'll even post a wedding picture or two :)

Now off to approach my next transition, becoming a mother-in-law.

Image: antpkr/freedigitalphotos.net

How Great is the Love the Father has Lavished on Us

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The second candle for the second week of Advent is the love candle. The word love is seriously over-used in the United States. We love pizza, we love our favorite movie, we love Christmas.

Love is intrinsically tied into Christmas celebrations. We presume Mary loved Jesus. We love people in our lives and want to buy them presents to show them love at Christmastime. We love Jesus. God loves us. There's a lot of lovin' going on, but do we actually comprehend the meaning of love? 

Love isn't only warm feelings and presents and caring and close relationships with others. True love, God love, is sacrificial. Sacrificial love isn't warm and fuzzy.  

Jesus loved us enough to leave heaven.

I wouldn't do that. 

Would you leave heaven and come live on earth?

God loved us enough to give up His Son to a horrible death. For people who don't deserve that kind of sacrifice, that kind of love.

Jesus was born to die. For us. Because that is true love. 

Missing the Tuba Man

There hasn't been time to talk about the Tuba Man and his transition to life as a college student.  I'll write why in a few days.

Life has been more than a little crazy for him.  Think about it.  How would any of us handle it if every single thing about our day to day lives changed overnight?  That's what it's like for a college freshman.

I was a commuter student in college, living at home, working the same job I'd been working, hanging out with the same friends, but now attending college too, so my life stayed relatively the same; I never experienced this transition. But I know it is incredibly dizzying to handle a life totally turned upside down at any age.

Tuba Man was not destined to be a commuter student. We moved him on campus in mid August.  Being accepted into the marching band was a plus because he arrived early and had time to settle in before the big freshman orientation week, which he missed entirely due to band camp consuming his life roughly 12 hours a day for 6 days.  But he survived learning how to play the sousaphone and marching in the rain and mud.

He's settling into life as a college man with all of the attached challenges and struggles.  He battles to squeeze out time for practicing his instruments as well as completing class assignments.  It's all too much like adult life, balancing the demands screaming out "Do me first!"

And it's been too quiet around the homestead without him.  Not because he is particularly talkative, but because he is a part of the body we call "family".  One of our vital organs is missing and everyone feels the lack.

The good news is that Family Weekend is coming up and, whether he likes it or not, we're planning to descend on him en masse, embarrass the heck out of him in front of all his new friends and enjoy visiting our missing piece.

Transitional Woman's Excellent Adventure

The plane flew low over the flatlands neatly marked into individual fields where crops had grown this summer.  I was feeling a little nervous, but not due to flying (which I love) but because I was going to spend five days with a group of women I'd never met.

I was venturing into the unimaginable.  I was going on an internet meet up.  My sons thought it was a little crazy and when I asked why, they responded, "What would you say if we told you that we were going to meet up with strangers we met on the internet?"

Point taken.

This past spring I wrote about virtual friendships, wondering if they were as real as flesh and blood friendships.  I was about to find out.

Drawn together by our common faith in Christ and love of fiber arts, we met in the middle of the country to laugh, pray, play with our yarn, eat, eat some more, and finally put a face to the name, a voice to the words we see on screen and  find out if these women are really like the women we've learned to know from online chatting.

I could bore you with all sorts of anecdotes about Brenda or Peggy or Joanne how they were like or unlike what I imagined, but the real point is virtual friends can be real friends.

Meeting them face to face only cemented the friendships formed online.  We already know so much about each others lives that we weren't strangers, just friends who hadn't met yet.

We were a mixed bag of women though, from 20s to 50s (our group has women from their teens to 70s, but. sadly, many couldn't come) from all over the country (our European sisters couldn't make it either), with lifetimes of vastly different experiences.

But did we have fun?  I do not have the words.  Did we laugh?  Harder then ever in our lives.  Did our bonds grow stronger and tighter?  More than I could have imagined.

So my excellent adventure was all I could have hoped for and more and I was sorrier than I can say when it was time to head for home.  However, there's always next year and I plan to be the first to sign up.

Who's the Real Me?

Is she Ellie Moore or Lavinia Stewart or Jessie Monroe or all three?  Love in Disguise, Carol Cox's newest novel, introduces us to a heroine who is down on her luck.  Actually, Ellie already ran out of luck.  She is unemployed because the actress she worked for as a dresser in Chicago travels to Europe and doesn't take her, her savings are depleted, she has no family and can't find another job.

She overhears two Pinkerton detectives discussing the need for a woman to assist in an investigation in Arizona.   Although Ellie is quite young, her theatrical make-up tricks and the trunk of wigs, make-up and costumes her former boss left behind serve her well as she transforms herself into sweet, elderly Lavinia because that is the type of woman the Pinkertons need for the job.

The situation becomes more complex when the female detective she is supposed to  work with ends marrying and turning in her detective badge.  Ellie is stuck in Missouri with no partner, no detective experience and no idea what to do next.

However, you can't keep a good woman down.  Ellie takes the initiative and heads out to the wild west on her own without revealing to the Pinkerton Detective Agency that she never met up with her partner.  And when Ellie's investigation becomes bogged down, she decides to also become the ravishing redheaded Jessie  Monroe, the fictitious Lavinia's fictitious niece.

Pretty soon Lavinia has a suitor, several men are chasing after Jessie and Ellie is falling in love with the owner of a silver mine who was one of the men who hired the Pinkerton Agency to solve the problem of their stolen silver.  But Ellie doesn't even exist in Arizona and how can she compete with Jessie for the heart of Steven?  Not to mention there is not much progress with her investigation.

Love in Disguise is an entertaining summer read filled with twists and turns as Ellie tries to be two women at the same time, rekindle a faith in God that died out long ago and not fall in love with a man who is in love with the provocative Jessie.


Love in Disguise by Carol Cox
Bethany House Publishers, 2012
Christian Fiction, 350 pages

Bethany House Publishers provided a free copy of Love in Disguise for review. The opinions stated are my own.

Mirror, Mirror ...

Today we have a special guest, my friend Lynden from An Elegant Touch, with a unique transitions post. 

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you.

I have made you and I will carry you, I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4

“Mirror, Mirror, on the wall –
      Where’s the Young Woman who had such Great Hope for it all?...”

When was it that she had walked through That Door?

You know – That Door that led from the busy-every-single-moment-of

      every-single-day –cooking-baking-cleaning, piles-of-laundry, 

            never-ending-yard-work, monitoring-homework-and-chores – 

      constant-chatter-and-laughter-of children -

      showing-guidance, teaching-values, loving-more-than-life Door -

      That Door that led from that wonderful, hope-filled, comfortable,
            fulfilling place of Then – 

                  to this place of Now…

This place of empty, quiet, alone, unneeded, unwanted, uncared-about and

       uncared-for –

      This place that might be for Others, but not HER –
      For those who had not cared-enough, tried-hard-enough, done-enough,
            loved-enough…
      But SHE had. And more.

So she had never expected to go through That Door – from vibrant living to not ‘living’ at all.
      Merely existing. Watching. Waiting. Wondering.
      Wondering how SHE had walked through That Door –
            making the transition to This…

She knew that God was with her.
      She talked to Him ‘without ceasing’ in this Now, even as she always had
            in the Then. 
      She still didn’t have answers as to how she had come to This –
            where she’d made the ‘wrong turn in the road’ that had led her to
            Here.
      Hopefully, He would let her know – sooner, rather than later.

Yes, God was Here in the dark of the night – in the empty of the day –
He was the One Who had brought her thus far –
      and He would walk with her until the Next Door opened –
      and He welcomed her Home. Even so…

    Lynden Blossom, a paper-artist who blogs at An Elegant Touch, describes herself as, "a mature, educated, creative woman - a Mother of two grown children, a Gramama of two precious grandchildren, a proud Blue Star Mother of a Marine Captain, a daughter of the King of Kings - a woman looking for her place in the world in the winter of her life."

Breaking Up is Hard To Do

A special Reflections Post on the Blogging From A to Z Challenge April 2012

It was like falling violently in love and being dumped abruptly in the same month. The rush, the wonder, the excitement, dreaming about what to write, composing a masterful post, publishing it on time, reveling in the comments. So satisfying, so fulfilling.  Then ... it was over.

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What do I do?  I've forgotten how to write without a letter of the alphabet to guide my thinking.  Who am I?  What is my blog usually about anyway?  Where do I go from here?  I feel so lost, so alone, so abandoned, so used.

The newness of the relationship was so exhilarating. The adrenaline rush, unmatchable.  Fresh, new, unknown blogs to read, 1,700 from which to choose.  I was giddy from the possibilities.

But like any new relationship  I eventually discovered little quirks that displeased,  me such as private blogs (how do you expect me to read you?), word verification (I can't always understand you), content which was sometimes offensive (all I wanted was a pure, beautiful relationship), the inability to leave comments (how can we get to know each other if we don't communicate?), very long posts (it's true, I was guilty of this too, my darling).

Despite the abrupt end to our wild and stimulating relationship, I gained so much.  You opened up a whole new world for me.  I met so many new people, many of whom I hope will still be my friends even though you and I are no longer together.

New opportunities, such an unexpected boon.  Because of you I will be reviewing books on my blog.  I'm thrilled to read different books and now I can review them so that the world will know them too.  Would this have happened without you?  I don't know, but you have opened up my world.

What would I change about you if I could?  Oh my beloved, I didn't want you to sell me things.  I turned away from you when I recognized your motive.  I wanted a love affair not a sales meeting.  That made me feel so used, so defiled.

And, my beloved, though it was so addictive being with you everyday, I realized that I couldn't let you consume me anymore.  There is a whole life still to be lived away from the keyboard, away from the alphabet, away from you.  But, maybe we can meet again next year?

(Want to read some of the other blogs in the Challenge?  Click here.)

Kindling the Flame or Ode to the Kindle

My heart's on fire for you,
my Kindle Fire.
Never would I dream,

I could love a book,
not made from paper.

My love affair with books
begun so young
has never ceased.
Suddenly, you came along,
turned my head, inflamed my heart.

Was it your color,
your sleek looks,
the weighty feel of you in my hand?
The luxury of never being caught
without a good book?

In truth, I must confess
it is the WiFi that lured me,
tempted me,
caused me to abandon
my long time love.

With you I check my email,
the weather forecast,
interact on Ravelry, Facebook,
Goodreads, Pinterst
with the lightest touch.

I can never abandon you,
my faithful book.
Our history is long,
intense, passionate.
But, we change.

Transitions,
transitions must occur.
We adapt, grow.
We change
and enlarge our lives.

I know, I believe
there is room for two.
You can co-exist,
together in my life,
my Kindle, my book.

Blogging A to Z Challenge, the letter K

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A Gift Unearned

This weeks's Five Minute Friday writing prompt - Gift

With Easter fast approaching, I can't help but think of the word gift in terms of Jesus' death and resurrection. Talk about a gift.  I mean, who else would die for me?  Would I be willing to die for anyone else?  Would I be willing to take on everyone else's sins, past, present and future and then be humiliated, tortured and killed slowly?

I am humbled by my arrogance in accepting this as a matter of course most days.  Our Savior died a horrible death ... for me.  And I don't even apprcieate it most of the time let alone actually stop and think about it.

I've been given the ultimate gift of love.  How often do I say thank you?  How often do I tell anyone else how they can have the gift too?

I am thankful to have been forced to stop and think today.  I am humbled that He thought I was worth saving, because, really, I'm not.  And that's what makes the gift so valuable.


How it works:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat on the prompt- no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Meet & encourage someone who linked up before you.


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Take Back the Day

St. Valentines Day is one of those tricky "holidays".  It celebrates love, more specifically, romantic love.  But, what if a woman doesn't have a husband or a boyfriend?  What if she doesn't have children or parents?

What does a  woman alone do when presented with all of the seeming evidence that everyone around her is loved, but not her?  Her co-workers discuss romantic dinner plans and receive floral deliveries and flash their diamond engagement rings and all she can do is smile and nod and perhaps feel a little empty inside.

I think we need to re-define Valentine's Day and make it not a celebration of love received, but of love given.  God's kind of love.  Perhaps our goal could be to see how many ways  we can show love to others.  The kind of love that gives with no expectation of a return.

I challenge you, and I challenge me, to see how many people we can show love to on February 14.

 Maybe we can start with those people we don't even like, let alone love.  How about the unfriendly neighbor, the  driver who cuts you off, the supervisor who makes your life miserable, the rude sales clerk.  God's kind of love is the kind that loves the unlovable.

Who are the unlovables in your life?  How can you show them  a God kind of love on Valentine's Day?



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Tender

Five Minute Friday - today's word is Tender

Tenderness.  What a beautiful concept.  We think about passion, love, kindness and gentleness, but how often do we consider the idea of tenderness?  Tenderness seems to be a gentle, nurturing kind of love and caring with a little something extra thrown in.
  
Tenderness is what we might feel for a soft, tiny newborn.  Or a person fragile, in pain in their sickbed.


Tenderness draws from a different well of emotion; from somewhere deep in our heart, that unselfish place where we give without considering the cost to ourselves.


What a little-used emotion tenderness is.  Oh, to feel more tenderhearted toward those I am angry with. Or to feel more tenderhearted even toward those I love so that I develop a less self-centered type of love toward them


Tenderness ...

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back to 5 minute friday and invite others to join in.
3. Go a little overboard encouraging the writer who linked up before you.

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