A Place Where We All Belong

Welcome to Five Minute Friday. Today's writing prompt is Belong.

Ever since my tobacco store adventure, I've been obsessed with the concept of community. There

is no denying that we want to belong. We need our connection places where our opinion counts, what we think matters, we are nurtured, loved, accepted. The places where we fit.

After the day community became embedded in my brain, I saw it everywhere: church, gangs, clubs, orchestras, teams, families, online groups, on television programs, in movies. Our connecting places are our happy places where we feel most secure and cared about.

My family is probably tired of hearing me shout out, "Community," every time I see another manifestation of it. I can't quite help myself as I continue to plumb the depths of our desire to belong. It is a heart cry, an aching desire to be a part of something - just as God intended.

He means for us to be family. The family of God. Where everyone belongs.





Image: stock images/freedigitalphotos

5 Reasons Teen Drop Out of Church

We have a special guest at Transitional Woman today, Kate Megill from Teaching What Is Good. Kate recently wrote a powerful post on her blog describing why teens are leaving the church and has allowed me to reprint it for you.

Are you a parent struggling with your teen not wanting to go to church? Do you see your children rejecting church, and perhaps even God, as they go off to college or jobs? Why does this happen? We try to raise them to love the Lord. But our hearts are filled with guilt and shame as we try to hide the deepest fear of our hearts: our children seem to be completely rejecting God.

Why does this happen? There are many reasons but I’d like to hit on 5.

Reason #1 – They are not really saved.

“But,” you say, “my children prayed the prayer! They walked down the aisle. They’ve GOT to be saved!” If only that were true. The reality is that praying the prayer and walking the aisle have nothing to do with salvation. Salvation is based on repentance and trust:

• repentance (the word means to change your mind) is when we have changed our mind about our lives and what is right and what is wrong
• trust in the finished work of Jesus on the cross and surrendering to that sacrifice on our behalf

Continuing to live our lives for our own pleasure does not make someone unsaved, but it is a sign of what is in their hearts. A life surrendered to the will of God (NOT to be confused with a set of Dos and Don’ts) is part of the fruit God works in our lives when we trust in Jesus.

“So then, you will know them by their fruits. “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven.” Matt 7:20-21

Reason #2 – They were discouraged from expressing their doubts.

In many churches in our country (and in many families) there is a taboo when it comes to asking questions – particularly questions that speak to doubts about God’s Word. Let’s be real: SCRIPTURE IS OFTEN CONFUSING!!! There are so many things in the bible that I don’t understand. And, if I’m being honest, there are a number of things that I don’t really like. Why should my child be different?

Has your child asked questions that were ‘poo-pooed’? Either by you or your pastor? Have their heart-felt doubts been treated with shame? Has their faith been questioned simply because they weren’t always convinced?

What we don’t realize is that just because WE can’t answer their questions doesn’t mean GOD can’t! Or even more, that He doesn’t actually delight in their questions. God is big enough for every question we have. When we encourage our children (and teach them how) to take their real questions to the Lord and to His Word, they begin to see that God really cares about their fears or doubts. We need to do all we can to bring our children to the foot of the cross and let His Spirit speak to the deepest needs of their hearts with hope and faith.

Reason #3 -  They are in unrepentant sin.

When we continue to harbor unrepentance in our hearts, it begins to have a long term affect on us. Look at Cain! He was confronted by God, both before and after Abel’s murder. God gave him a chance to confess his sin and repent – to change his mind. But he did not. He walked right into that sin and killed his brother. Even afterward, there was no repentance that we see in scripture – just Cain justifying his actions with a hardened heart. Then he walked away from God.

Is there unrepentant sin in your teens life? Again, this comes down to the conviction of the Spirit in their lives, but something that you can be praying (and fasting) about!

BUT let me say this; there is a difference between struggles with sin and unrepentant sin. Someone who struggles knows it’s wrong, agrees that it’s wrong but has a hard time learning how to walk in victory. Someone in unrepentant sin knows it’s wrong and just doesn’t care. They are surrendered to their own desires and (sometimes almost gleefully) jump into the sin without any regret.

Reason #4 – They have never been taught what the victorious life means.

It is so disheartening to live with a desire to follow God only to continue to fail. When our children are not taught how to see God’s work in our lives, His hope through the Word and His power by the Spirit, this disheartening turns to discouragement and then to despair and finally to rejection.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Prov 13:12

Are your teens living heartsick in their struggles with sin? Are you working to give them tools to gain victory? I don’t mean, “Don’t do that. It’s sin.” That might be fine if they are 2, but not when they are 14. They need practical help, they need encouragement from the Word, they need us to come alongside them and bring courage to their hearts.  Are you helping them see that God’s sanctifying work in their lives actually DOES change them?

When we don’t teach them to see the work of the Spirit in their lives, guilt begins to reign supreme in their hearts and minds. This is a tool of the enemy that will devour their hearts, pushing them do whatever they have to do to stop the guilt. And this might very well mean they leave the church as soon as they are able.

Reason #5 – We are living a lie as their parents.

Nothing turns our children away from the church (and maybe even from God) faster than hypocrisy. Do we live one life at church and another at  home? Do we put on our Christian Mask of being all holy and use spiritual language when we are around believers and then become Mr. Hyde when we are with our children? Are WE teaching them to live a lie by our example?

If this is where we are living, then it is no wonder that our children would RUN from what we claim is a good thing. They’ve not seen God’s goodness lived out in our lives and they reject the words we say because they reject the life we live.

This needs a powerful change in OUR hearts. Repentance, confession and surrender.

• We need to repent of our hypocrisy to the Lord.
• We need to confess our sin to our children and ask for their forgiveness.
• We need to surrender our lives fully to the Lord and lean on His Spirit to guide our lives.

None of this means that we can change our children’s lives. God is still sovereign and still gives them choice. They still have to live their lives before the Lord. BUT we can do everything in OUR power to make sure we are not the stumbling block our children’s lives and relationship with God.

Kate Megill is a homeschooling mom with a passion for older women teaching younger women and has been discipling/mentoring women for over 3 decades. She blogs at Teaching What Is Good and can be found on Twitter at @teachwhatisgood and Facebook at /teachingwhatisgood.

On Being a Woman in Today's Church

Three times in the past few days I've been involved in discussions on how and where women fit in the contemporary church. I'm not bent on starting any rebellion, I only want to figure out where I fit.

I've thought about this before, had discussions with other women and haven't ever arrived at any resolution. Where does a strong woman without huge domestic inclinations contribute to the church body with which she's affiliated? By domestic inclinations I mean the usual places women can acceptably volunteer in a church.

I can't sing, I don't play the piano, I'm not a very good teacher, nursery duty is okay but I don't love it, I freeze up when I have to prepare meals for others (What do they like? Will they like my cooking? All those insecurities rise up to the surface.), organizing potlucks? Ugh.

Since becoming a Christian, I've attended fairly traditional, very traditional and the occasional less-than-traditional church and find I am most comfortable in fairly and very traditional churches, but this is where the gender divide seems most obvious.

Do I want to be involved in church leadership? Let me put this another way. Do I want to stand in front of a firing squad? You understand what I mean here, I think. I am a coward.

Isn't there a middle-ground place for women like me? Since leaving our previous church last summer, my husband and I have visited and enjoyed attending many different churches. It has been an interesting experience. As we continue to narrow down the choices, I'm looking at where I might contribute and feel a little dissatisfied by the choices.

God made me the way I am. I am strong-minded, I am opinionated, I am compassionate, I don't suffer fools gladly, I want to help, I want to make a difference, I want to be a blessing to my community, I don't want to be in the limelight and I hate attending meetings :)

This is a blog post with no conclusion because I am still in the midst of exploring where a strong woman, who desires to serve, fits in the church. I really want to hear what all of you think about this. If you attend a church, how do you serve?

One last thought, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (I Cor.10:31)

Linking to:

Image: Matt Banks/freedigitalphotos.net

Lessons Learned - Summer 2012

Aren't June, July and August the fastest three months of the year?  We've arrived at the end of August after a relatively quiet summer and I feel rather introspective.

How did I spend those golden summer days?  Did I accomplish anything? Have I learned anything?

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Last summer I taught myself Fair Isle knitting and knit my first (and, sadly, so far only) pair of pint-sized practice socks. So I'm feeling a lack of tangible accomplishments this summer.  Not everything can be measured visibly; however, so I decided to review what I learned this summer.  This is in lieu of a "What I did on my summer vacation" composition next month.

• The Lord provides.  Due to some smart home refinancing early this year by my husband, we have the funds to do critically-needed home repairs.  Just when we needed it, interest rates dropped and we benefited.  Is that God or what?

• Friends are a blessing.  Yes, I know, it's obvious, but this summer I cherished more than ever time spent with friends, old and new. Finally, I'm learning friendship needs to be nurtured, not taken for granted and requires a time investment.  Thanks, gals, for the great breakfasts, coffees, lunches, dinners, phone chats, not to mention baseball games, you've shared with me this summer (uh oh, too many food related outings).  I've felt a little vulnerable the past few months with so many changes in my life, and you all reminded me that friendships are the patches that hold a life together.

• The Lord provides. (Is the old gal repeating herself?  No, He just provides a lot).  You might know I've been trying to figure out what comes next now that homeschooled tuba guy is a college freshman.  And holy, smokin' Joe, did God provide in a big way.  More about this transition soon!

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• The body of Christ is amazing.  We left our church of ten years at the end of June and were dreading "the church search."  There was a huge surprise waiting for us that we never dreamed would exist.  As we've traveled church by church throughout our community we have been blessed, I tell you, blessed.  We have been spiritually bolstered and encouraged by Godly preaching, been energized by preachers excited by their calling and steeped in the Word of God, enjoyed coming before the Lord with so many other believers in our ethnically diverse area, learned some new worship songs, been hugged by the warmth of beloved hymns, and so much more.

There's more to share, but this post keeps growing and I know y'all are busy and have lots of other blogs to read and I have to try and capture some hours from this day before they evaporate.  It's good to be back at the keyboard and while August is almost over it's still summer because the thermometer is creeping up to 90 degrees today.

Blazing a New Trail

Today, Heidi from Heidi'sbooks and I are having a blog swap.  She shares some of her thoughts about a transition she's approaching on Transitional-Woman, and I'm reviewing The Chosen on her blog.

Last year I read an article in Forbes Magazine listing the top women executives. It was a fascinating article showing where each woman worked, how much money she made, and what assets she controlled. It also told each woman’s age. All of them were in the 48-60 age group.

I’m approaching that age group and also headed for a major transition in life. How is it that you can work yourself out of a job in 20 years? You see, I’ve homeschooled for 18 years, organized co-ops, lead 4H groups, planned community service projects, lead support groups, edited newsletters, etc. In a few short years all my students will have graduated, and I will face the empty nest (sort of)—and in the process lose my full time job.

When I think of all the possibilities, I get giddy with excitement.

As I look around my church at what the other ladies in my age group are doing, I realize that most of them are working full-time jobs. Most are doing jobs they enjoy. Some work long hours, commute, and arrive home late at night. Saturdays are filled with laundry and catching up on everything that gets pushed aside during the week. Kudos to them. They work hard, and are salt and light in their workplaces. But they have relatively little time for community outreach, ministry, or helping others in the church.

What if I chose a different path? What if I used all my past experience to work for the church and community just like the business woman moves up the corporate ladder? I could continue down the same path moving into an expanded position. What if a group of the first wave of homeschool-mom-retirees put their experience to work in the community and church? That’s a tour de force volunteer army. I think we could see a fundamental shift in our society.

What needs are not getting met in our communities? How many elderly have visitors at the nursing home? I don’t even know most of my neighbors, and church visitation has become a thing of the past. How are the older women teaching or helping the younger women? There are so many needs and people are going it alone. Maybe it’s time to bring back that sense of community.

I would like to wear a business suit and carry a briefcase, but maybe it’s time to blaze a new trail.

Heidi from Heidi'sbooks is a homeschool mom with five children who loves reading and talking about books.  For the past few months, she's been diving into the great Russian authors.  Whew!