How to Make it to the Big 50

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My husband and I attended a 50th anniversary party Saturday. Surrounded by their four children, many grandchildren, extended family, and friends, they celebrated a life that probably was not what they envisioned on the day they married.

This couple met at a carnival in Cuba, where they were born. My friend Gloria and her sister snuck out of their house to visit the carnival. She met up with a boy she liked, and when he got a little fresh, decided she didn't like him after all, but that hardly mattered because that was the night she met her future husband.

This teen-aged couple married six months later, so they're only in their 60s with many years ahead of them. The only thing is, I'm not sure they even like each other, but like and love can look different in other people's marriages. All I know is that not one golden anniversary kiss was exchanged, and while I often visit Gloria, I don't see much affection exchanged.

What does it take to arrive at a 50th anniversary and still love your spouse? We still have 23 years to go before reaching that milestone, but on reflection, I think these pieces need to be part of that puzzle picture:

• forgiveness
• persistence
• commitment
• selflessness
• deafness
• blindness
• determination
• realism
• patience
• friendship
• acceptance
• sense of humor
• teamwork
• sacrifice
• respect
• love.

What do you think should be on this list?

What Does it Take to be a Mentor?

Recently, while we were vacationing with our family and my daughter's new in-laws, her mother-in-law shared how she believes the Lord wants her to become more involved in mentoring younger women.

Her dilemma is that she hopes to be moving this year and does not know if she should begin mentoring women in her present church or wait until she moves and establishes relationships with a new group of women.

My daughter has mentored two teen girls over the last two or three years and two of my sons have sought mentors. I have observed several things.

• A mentor has to be willing to commit their time. There is no way to mentor without meeting together regularly. I suppose this can also be done via telephone or email. However, there seems to be something about communicating face-to-face that encourages trust and bonding.
• Praying for your mentored person is a necessary component of the relationship. It is easy for us to respond with our own advice, but God's council could be very different.
• Let them talk. A few years ago I met with a young homeschool mom who wanted advice regarding how to organize her homeschool day and still maintain a reasonably clean home. As we met and spoke for several hours over coffee, it became apparent that her real need was help with the relationship between she and her husband. If I had immediately charged in and began giving advice, she might never have gotten to the root of the problem she really needed help with.
• Be consistent. If you plan to meet every week, set the time aside and treat it as an unbreakable date otherwise every life interruption becomes a reason not to meet and the relationship falls apart.
• Treat your mentoree with respect. They might be decades younger than you or just a few years, but that does not make you a life expert. A mentor is a guide, a support, and an encourager, not a prophet from on high.

My daughter continues to mentor a high school student, her other mentoree has gone on to college. Both of these lovely young women contributed toward making her wedding day special by assisting with various small tasks.

My sons? Not so much success. The men they met with, men they respected and admired did not follow through for very long. Meetings were cancelled and my sons were not contacted. They both felt rejected and undervalued. The saddest part is that my sons felt these were both strong men of faith who they hoped would help guide them in their walk with Christ. I continue to pray for committed mentors for all three of my sons because while parents are great, being able to talk to another mature adult with a different perspective is invaluable.

Linking up with Kate at Teaching What is Good











Image: photostock/freedigitalphotos.net

Reflections on Commitment

Another year of the A-Z April Blog Challenge has come and gone. In 2012, I signed up mere days before the Challenge began. In 2013, well, I knew it was coming and signed up quite quickly when the list opened up.

After 2012's scramble for topics, I figured I would try to be on top of it in 2013, have a great theme developed and all my posts written and scheduled in advance. After all, I had 11 months to get ready.

You already see where this is going don't you?

I certainly thought about themes and noodled various ideas in my brain, but couldn't seem to settle on just the right idea. In the end, since I mostly write about transitions, I thought I should just stick with my blog's focus and go from there.

So May, June, July, August, and all of autumn and winter fly by. In those months from May 2012 to March 31, 2013, I finished 17 years of homeschooling,  helped two sons with the college application process, did all that it takes to help them go away to college for the first time, started a business, our daughter got married, family visited, worked a temporary job the first half of April, continued home remodeling (okay, my husband mostly did that part), and on and on. Not one post was written in all those months.

But, I made a commitment. I made a commitment to myself and the hosts of the Challenge that I would publish 26 posts in April, no matter what. Who would have thought so much would happen during the past year?

And procrastination. Who would have imagined I could manage to procrastinate over writing those 26 blog posts for a year?  (No laughing allowed.) I almost skipped a few days, I almost gave it up entirely a couple of times, but I made a commitment. I wasn't happy about the quality of some of the posts, but I published them with a mental apology to anyone who read them.

I love the A-Z Challenge. I enjoy reading other bloggers and seeing what they come up with for those 26 days. A large number of you were winging it, just like me. Thanks for that, it was a huge encouragement to know I wasn't the only one. I felt like we were ship wreck survivors hanging onto the life raft together.

2014 will see me making the commitment to write 26 April posts again, a challenge for a blogger who generally posts two or three times a week. Congratulations to all of us who take up a challenge and stick to it, no matter how painful.