Wednesday Hodgepodge #2

Linking up today with Joyce From This Side of the Pond for Wednesday Hodgepodge.  


1. What do you think makes a good dad?

I think a good dad is one who is physically, mentally, and emotionally available to his children.

2.  What's something you learned from your own father?

I learned how enjoyable it is to be held on your parent's lap and cuddled often. A gift I gave my children too.

3. It's your birthday-what kind of cake will we be having?

We will be having chocolate pie.

4. When you're faced with a big decision are you more of a go with your gut type of person, or are you someone who reasons it all out, weighing the pros and cons? 

I weigh the pros and cons, then go with my gut.

5. June is National Dairy Month. What's your favorite dairy item? Most often purchased dairy item? 

My favorite dairy item is ice cream. My most purchased would be milk and yogurt.

6. Explorer Jacques Cousteau was born on June 11, 1910....what's something you've recently discovered or something you'd like to explore?

The biblical idea of truth has been on my mind so much lately. I would like to explore everything the Bible has to say about truth.

7. Are you typical of your generation?

I don't think I'm typical of my generation, but perhaps everyone else feels the same way.

8.  Insert your own random thought here.

It is startling to realize so much of the world is in turmoil - wars, protests,  government oppression, bombings - but we hear so little about it in the U.S.

5 Reasons Teen Drop Out of Church

We have a special guest at Transitional Woman today, Kate Megill from Teaching What Is Good. Kate recently wrote a powerful post on her blog describing why teens are leaving the church and has allowed me to reprint it for you.

Are you a parent struggling with your teen not wanting to go to church? Do you see your children rejecting church, and perhaps even God, as they go off to college or jobs? Why does this happen? We try to raise them to love the Lord. But our hearts are filled with guilt and shame as we try to hide the deepest fear of our hearts: our children seem to be completely rejecting God.

Why does this happen? There are many reasons but I’d like to hit on 5.

Reason #1 – They are not really saved.

“But,” you say, “my children prayed the prayer! They walked down the aisle. They’ve GOT to be saved!” If only that were true. The reality is that praying the prayer and walking the aisle have nothing to do with salvation. Salvation is based on repentance and trust:

• repentance (the word means to change your mind) is when we have changed our mind about our lives and what is right and what is wrong
• trust in the finished work of Jesus on the cross and surrendering to that sacrifice on our behalf

Continuing to live our lives for our own pleasure does not make someone unsaved, but it is a sign of what is in their hearts. A life surrendered to the will of God (NOT to be confused with a set of Dos and Don’ts) is part of the fruit God works in our lives when we trust in Jesus.

“So then, you will know them by their fruits. “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven.” Matt 7:20-21

Reason #2 – They were discouraged from expressing their doubts.

In many churches in our country (and in many families) there is a taboo when it comes to asking questions – particularly questions that speak to doubts about God’s Word. Let’s be real: SCRIPTURE IS OFTEN CONFUSING!!! There are so many things in the bible that I don’t understand. And, if I’m being honest, there are a number of things that I don’t really like. Why should my child be different?

Has your child asked questions that were ‘poo-pooed’? Either by you or your pastor? Have their heart-felt doubts been treated with shame? Has their faith been questioned simply because they weren’t always convinced?

What we don’t realize is that just because WE can’t answer their questions doesn’t mean GOD can’t! Or even more, that He doesn’t actually delight in their questions. God is big enough for every question we have. When we encourage our children (and teach them how) to take their real questions to the Lord and to His Word, they begin to see that God really cares about their fears or doubts. We need to do all we can to bring our children to the foot of the cross and let His Spirit speak to the deepest needs of their hearts with hope and faith.

Reason #3 -  They are in unrepentant sin.

When we continue to harbor unrepentance in our hearts, it begins to have a long term affect on us. Look at Cain! He was confronted by God, both before and after Abel’s murder. God gave him a chance to confess his sin and repent – to change his mind. But he did not. He walked right into that sin and killed his brother. Even afterward, there was no repentance that we see in scripture – just Cain justifying his actions with a hardened heart. Then he walked away from God.

Is there unrepentant sin in your teens life? Again, this comes down to the conviction of the Spirit in their lives, but something that you can be praying (and fasting) about!

BUT let me say this; there is a difference between struggles with sin and unrepentant sin. Someone who struggles knows it’s wrong, agrees that it’s wrong but has a hard time learning how to walk in victory. Someone in unrepentant sin knows it’s wrong and just doesn’t care. They are surrendered to their own desires and (sometimes almost gleefully) jump into the sin without any regret.

Reason #4 – They have never been taught what the victorious life means.

It is so disheartening to live with a desire to follow God only to continue to fail. When our children are not taught how to see God’s work in our lives, His hope through the Word and His power by the Spirit, this disheartening turns to discouragement and then to despair and finally to rejection.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life. Prov 13:12

Are your teens living heartsick in their struggles with sin? Are you working to give them tools to gain victory? I don’t mean, “Don’t do that. It’s sin.” That might be fine if they are 2, but not when they are 14. They need practical help, they need encouragement from the Word, they need us to come alongside them and bring courage to their hearts.  Are you helping them see that God’s sanctifying work in their lives actually DOES change them?

When we don’t teach them to see the work of the Spirit in their lives, guilt begins to reign supreme in their hearts and minds. This is a tool of the enemy that will devour their hearts, pushing them do whatever they have to do to stop the guilt. And this might very well mean they leave the church as soon as they are able.

Reason #5 – We are living a lie as their parents.

Nothing turns our children away from the church (and maybe even from God) faster than hypocrisy. Do we live one life at church and another at  home? Do we put on our Christian Mask of being all holy and use spiritual language when we are around believers and then become Mr. Hyde when we are with our children? Are WE teaching them to live a lie by our example?

If this is where we are living, then it is no wonder that our children would RUN from what we claim is a good thing. They’ve not seen God’s goodness lived out in our lives and they reject the words we say because they reject the life we live.

This needs a powerful change in OUR hearts. Repentance, confession and surrender.

• We need to repent of our hypocrisy to the Lord.
• We need to confess our sin to our children and ask for their forgiveness.
• We need to surrender our lives fully to the Lord and lean on His Spirit to guide our lives.

None of this means that we can change our children’s lives. God is still sovereign and still gives them choice. They still have to live their lives before the Lord. BUT we can do everything in OUR power to make sure we are not the stumbling block our children’s lives and relationship with God.

Kate Megill is a homeschooling mom with a passion for older women teaching younger women and has been discipling/mentoring women for over 3 decades. She blogs at Teaching What Is Good and can be found on Twitter at @teachwhatisgood and Facebook at /teachingwhatisgood.

Giving Birth, The Ultimate Adventure

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.  
Carole Burnett

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There are a handful of life changes that spin your life upside down, shake it every which way and then roll you down a hill tied in a knot. Giving birth is one of that handful.

Not only giving birth, but those crazy days, months and years that follow. No returns, no do-overs, no days off. When you have a baby you are no longer you, but you+.  Almost every decision you make after birth day involves you and baby. If you were used to going your own way, well, that will get knocked right out of you.

However, this is a good thing. 

Nurturing a helpless infant and being completely responsible for his or her care, and doing it well, grows you up. And as much as we all want to continue enjoying the fun and freedom of childhood, we really, really do have to grow up sometime. Nothing will do that faster than becoming a parent.


Welcome to the Blogging from A-Z April Challenge 2013. I'm aiming for short, entertaining and occasionally insightful posts. Topics addressing transitions are the goal . . . but we'll see.

Call Me Coach

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I've reflected on my changing roll as a mother frequently this year since my youngest turned 18 and legally, I'm no longer responsible for him or any of my children.

I metaphorically throw up my hands in frustration when I sometimes see my young adults making less than stellar choices, or making no choices at all, which is often worse.

Talking with friends who have adult children, we agree it is harder parenting them now than it was when they were young, mainly because we used to be able to tell our children what to do and they did it.  Now we can tell them what to do and they just ignore us.

Since I'm not Mommy anymore, I have found there are other roles to fill more beneficial to my adults/kids.  So, call me coach.  This is one roll I can fill.  I can encourage.  I can help them set goals (if they ask). I can help develop a life plan (because I want them to succeed).  A life coach, right?

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I asked my daughter exactly what a life coach did because I wasn't sure.  After she explained, I said, "It's a Mommy, right?"  She agreed that there were parallels.  A life coach appears to help one analyze his life, experiences, hopes, plans and dreams in order to devise a plan to determine, devise and eventually reach his goals.

Did you have someone in your life to coach you as a young adult?  Unfortunately, I didn't but, in retrospect, I could have benefited from that type of support and coaching. That's one of my goals now, to coach my kids.  To help them make a plan and devise benchmarks in order to reach their goals and dreams.

They don't need me to tell them what to do, but I want to be available to be a coach if that's what it takes to assist them along the path to adulthood.

Being an Orphan

It's been almost a year since my mother died and I legally became an orphan.

Having no living parents or grandparents gives one an odd feeling of un-connectedness.  I have a husband, children, a sister and sister-in-law, a brother and brother-in law, a niece and nephew-in-law, numerous aunts, uncles, cousins and my husband's huge extended family.

So it's not like I'm alone in the world, but the knowledge that one doesn't have a mom or dad to turn to in troubled times feels lonely.  My dad died when I was 13 and my mother and I were not close, so it's not like I was in the habit of confiding in her.  I can't explain it, exactly.

It was more like feeling bereft, adrift, floating in the water in a boat with no oars, sails or motor.

Even though I felt like I'd been on my own in many ways since I was in my teens, there was still a feeling of loss.  And a feeling of envy for women I know who are closely linked to their mothers.  In view of my feeling of envy I realize that my feelings of loss are for what I never did have, a close connection to my mother.

There is no going back and changing the past - even if it were possible, only the ability to go forward and have a different kind of relationship with my daughter.

Blogging A - Z Challenge, the letter O






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Homeschooling - A Retrospective

The clock is ticking down quickly.  Homeschooling in this household will end in just a matter of weeks as our youngest child graduates from high school.

How do 17 years go by so quickly?   I began homeschooling the year my oldest child was starting 3rd grade and my second child beginning 1st.  I didn't decide to homeschool because we hated the public school system;  and, no, we're not weird cultists trying to keep our children isolated from the world.

But, after being a volunteer at my children's school and seeing all that the teachers were up against, I realized I could do a better job educating my children at home.  There are no perfect education solutions, but homeschooling was the right answer for our family.

Looking back, I'm amazed at how much homeschooling has changed in the last two decades.  When I began researching way back when, it seemed that a lot of homeschooling families lived off the land, were entrepreneurs and their kids went on to Harvard.  An exaggeration, but that's how it looked from my perspective.

In reality, the homeschooling population is very diverse, from one-child families to very, very large families; from people holding strong religious convictions to those holding none at all; every ethic group imaginable; all income levels;  and city, suburban and rural dwellers.  Everyone is represented among homeschoolers.

Curriculum availability?  Where do you even start?  The selection is so vast that at least one vendor of homeschooling curriculum and supplies that I'm familiar with has an annual catalog that is as thick as a mid-sized city's telephone book.

When I was looking for material to use when my eldest child was ready to start high school, I had to look long and hard.  Curriculum was available, but the selection wasn't extensive.  By the time my fourth child was ready for high school, the selection was so wide that it was mind-boggling.

So in retrospect, would I homeschool again?  Absolutely.  Would I do it the same way?  Absolutely not.  I have the advantage of hind-sight now.  I saw what worked and what didn't for my children.  I also got to know my children very well because of all the time we spent together and have a much better understanding of each child's learning style.

I wish I knew then what I know now, but the years spent learning and growing together day by day have been some of the best of my life.  We are blessed that we could spend them together.

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Adult Children - Adults? Children?

So, you know they're adults, but they're also still your children.  One of the most confusing transitions I'm dealing with (and I know I'm not alone) is being the parent of adult children.  Of  my four children only one is still under 18, but that will change in just a few weeks.

The first question is, how did these babies get to be grown-ups so quickly?  The second question is, how do you stop being Mommy?  The third question is how do you stop viewing them as children and see and treat them like the adults they are?  I know several moms with young adult children struggling with the same issues I struggle with.

You think that if you've done your parenting job correctly, your children will be mature, capable people ready to take on the world.  The reality is, life throws curves at all of us.  There are students who decide to change their college majors,  tough classes and some failing grades that slow things down,  changing colleges and credits that don't transfer, unplanned pregnancies, young people who don't want to go to college and aren't sure what to do next, student loans that need to be paid back, bad economies and a tough job market and a dozen other dilemmas.

And sometimes you see your children making decisions you just don't think are wise, but what do you say and how much do you say?  The one thing we parents of adult children have in common is that we all want the best for our kids.  We hope for them to be happy, successful in whatever way they define success, and for those of us who are Christians, we hope for our children to love God and live their lives for Him.

I keep trying to remember, how did I feel at their age?

I remember thinking I was more than capable of making my own decisions, but I grew up in a much less stable home than they did and had to grow up pretty quickly so my story is different.  But, really, when I second guess their choices and think about how I might do things differently, I am being unfair to them. I am treating them like children instead of adults, and that is insulting and disrespectful toward them.

Whether they continue to live at home for a while, which they all currently are, or soon head out in other directions to pursue the path God has laid out for them, I will continue to enjoy their company, glean from their wisdom and insights, love them, encourage them, pray for them and try to keep my mouth shut.


Welcome to Day 1, Letter A of the Blogging From A to Z Challenge, hope you'll stay tuned all the way through to Letter Z.




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