Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
Bill Cosby
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The typical expectation seems to be: child graduates from high school, gets a job and moves out; or goes to college, graduates and moves out.
It has been different for our family. One child graduated from college and moved back home for about three years, moving out when she married last month. Another child worked and went to community college part-time over several years while living at home. He is now a full-time university student living on campus. Another son has also gone the community college route while living at home, hopes to transfer to university in the fall and live on campus. Son three graduated from high school, headed to university and lives on campus.
Our sons will probably live at home during most school breaks, but will they live at home after graduation? Who knows? There is graduate school, marriage, finding jobs - so many variables.
We have experienced the occasional stress and strain of young adults trying to spread their wings, but still living under the eye of their parents. They are autonomous, but not. We are all still learning the steps to this sometimes awkward dance. My husband and I step back, they move forward, all of us trying not to step on each others toes.
However, there have been some unexpected benefits to our not-so-empty nest. As they live at home, they have the advantages of building up a nest egg, paying off student loans and having the money to buy a car.
But the best part is the great conversation. We survived the days of "Why is the sky blue Mama," and "Would you clean your room!" Now we discuss and debate religion, politics, philosophy, music and every other topic imaginable. So I plan to enjoy my kid while they are still flying in and out of the nest because it will be an empty one soon enough.
We may live miles away from our home...but then it's a place you could feel the most relaxed be it the morning blues or the sunny noon!! :)
ReplyDeleteRegards
~Kriti~
Our kids left in the same way....in and out. It takes longer these days for kids to get on their feet. With fewer jobs, and more expensive higher ed., it's just tough. I see a day when families will be living together again, just expanding under one roof, like it used to be done. The grandparents and the grandbabies all together. We don't all HAVE to have a new house and piles of debt. :-)
ReplyDeletefrom The Dugout
It is definitely a more expensive world and harder to get started as an independent adult. I wholeheartedly agree with your last comment. What ever happened to the concept of a starter home? Do young couples starting out actually need a 4,000 square foot home?
DeleteWe emptied, re-stocked and emptied again (hopefully for the last time) several times. I don't know if it is better to let them come back or not, but it is what we have done. Some mistakes are hard to overcome otherwise.
ReplyDeleteHappy E day!
tm
I don't know if it's better to let them come back or not either, but I agree that it is sometimes necessary.
DeleteI'm still a ways from that point, but I suppose it'll go fast. They grow up too quickly. Mine are grade school aged and I'm enjoying that time with them before the start getting more independent.
ReplyDeleteThey do grow too fast. Enjoy them where they are now because you'll blink and 20 years will pass.
DeleteA very thoughtful post with detail to the pros and cons of a full nest vs and empty nest. It sounds as if your children are very fortunate to have you as you are to have them. I especially enjoyed the last paragraph with 'the best part is the great conversation.' Well done for the Letter 'E'.
ReplyDeleteSue~CollectInTexasGal
AtoZ LoneStar Quilting Bee
Thank you for your kind comments.
DeleteSounds familiar. Our daughter lived on campus 4 days and was home the other 3 days since she was only about 3 hours away. They're still learning their way in the world.
ReplyDeleteCollege seems to be a stage of one foot at home, the other in the wider world.
Deletemmm ... they leave, they come, they go ... yet they're always there in spirit. and when they return, with other loved ones in tow, we simply take up where we left off!
ReplyDeleteLinda
I'm learning the pleasure of them bringing other loved ones in tow now that I have the joy of a new son-in-law!
DeleteI always had the privilege to be with my parents almost everytime. Even now when I am working. Maybe when the time for marriage I would have to move out. But student, employed or married home is always that safe place where we are the same old little pampered ones. :)
ReplyDelete-A fellow blogger from A to Z!
It sounds like you are so fortunate to have such a loving, supportive family and home environment. Enjoy!
DeleteGood plan! I was like this with my parents until I got married so I expect my kids to come and go, leave and come back.
ReplyDeleteWe're enjoying the best of both worlds right now in terms of conversation- there is still the "why is dirt orange?" (that's what it is here) and also the complex philosophical, religious and political stuff too.
I also plan to enjoy my kids as long as I can and all this is available! :) Great post, as usual!
I love that you said this, "I also plan to enjoy my kids as long as I can." Every different age and stage has its wonderful bits that we should savor and cherish.
DeleteSome of my kids moved out early for college and never moved back home. The ones that commuted tended to stay longer and that's expected. We've had a few come home in-between apartments during summer recess and jobs. It's always a blessing to have the extra time with them and in all honesty the extra help around the house. It's sad when they leave but Bill and I also enjoy our privacy until the next time one of them comes for a long weekend or sends the grandkids for a little visit.
ReplyDeleteI can see the benefits of having it both ways, but grandkids? Lucky you!
DeleteI enjoyed your post. My kids are still in the toddler stage and I'm not even looking forward to them going to kindergarten. I can't imagine I'd be in a hurry to kick them out of the nest either. It's hard to pay rent and save money and do all those things on your own and it's great that you're such a supportive parent.
ReplyDeleteHave fun with a-z.
I Hated the day I sent my oldest to kindergarten. The toddler stage has its challenges like every other stage, but one of the best parts is all the love they just pour out on their Mama. Agreed?
DeleteMy son will be turning 21 in a few months and still lives at home also. He works part time and attends college full-time. He is our only child and we have a really great relationship so we are enjoying him being there, but we also try to encourage him to pursue his dreams and goals so he can go out in the world and be a responsible adult and make a life for himself. It is a fine line some days, but one I am more than willing to straddle, at least for now!
ReplyDeleteAmen. We need to enjoy them while we can and encourage them in their dreams. Moms are God's cheerleaders.
DeleteI haven't even begun to think about an empty nest yet. We are still at the stage of after-school taxi service :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. Never fear, once your kids have truly left the nest and created their own families your nest will be replenished with grandkids!
ReplyDeleteTwo of our three children returned to the nest, both of them for four years. One of them, with hubby, had two children while hubby was getting a business off the ground. It enabled them to rent out their house in another town (and still hold on to it!). When the business was able to support them, they moved back to their home.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't fashionable for kids to move back home at the time ours did. People may've thought we were odd, although now it's becoming quite accepted.
Several of our friends with children of the same age have been empty-nesters now for 20 years. We've been empty-nesters for only four. But we're far closer to our children than they are. We get to see the kids and grandkids all the time, whereas they see theirs only once or twice each year. We are blessed.
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